Volume 79

Don’t try to do everything and don’t worry about balance – learn to live with some imbalance! There will be different priorities at different times. Priorities will shift depending on the time. Magazine editor Jackie Frank is often asked: “How do you do it all?” with the reply “I don’t”. Or just smile serenely!
Find a way to deal with the guilt of dividing your time between home and work. Be focused on where you are.
Learn to love or at least tolerate chaos.
Plan out the week with your partner, carers or other support people.
Get support from family and friends as well as professional support services such as child and maternal health clinics, Tresillian and Karitane phone lines, parenting websites such as http://raisingchildren.net.au and the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA) if you are juggling breastfeeding and work. (ABA has an online forum if you can’t get to meetings – see http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/)
Use a cordless phone with a hands-free headset to catch up with family, friends, students while doing other activities, or write up notes of teleconferences in real-time.

At work

Find a work schedule that works for you and your family, making the most of the flexibility that work in science can offer.
Be organised to make the most of each work day.
Only take on extra roles at work that will give maximum brownie points without sapping too much time and energy. If you can’t take on a new challenge now, ask to be offered the opportunity again at a future time.
Try to attract diligent students or fund postdocs or research assistants who can keep experimental work running under your guidance. Hire people with as much skill as possible with emphasis on being able to work independently when you’re not there.
Try to remember what you like about work (intellectual challenge, order, talking to other adults, pay!) and enjoy the time there.

With the kids

Prioritise time with kids and do something you both enjoy. Schedule a ‘no housework’ day to do fun things or go out to avoid the mess at home!
Share days off to care for sick kids – read or catch up on emails at home if possible and avoid planning big meetings/deadlines etc in mid-winter when illness is more likely.
Have a list of things to prepare for daycare or school and get the family to do as much as possible the night before.

Enjoying yourself

Make sure you take time out for yourself regularly to recharge the batteries.
Invest time in friendships even (especially!) when exhausted. Several people mentioned mothers groups for the early days and friendships with other working mums as very important. You might also be able to take turns looking after the kids for each other too, to get to work functions or take some time out.
Look after yourself with exercise and good food.
Ignore negative people and don’t worry too much about pleasing everyone.
Be kind to yourself.

Keeping the home fires burning

Don’t forget you are in a partnership! Share the pick-up and drop-off routine, meal planning, household bills, planning of weekend activities etc.
Work out what’s important to you and organise to avoid the situations that annoy you most.
Organise a back-up plan with a neighbour, friend or relative, because traffic jams happen even when childcare closes at 6pm.
Get some help with the ‘witching hour’ especially when the kids are little, so one person can help bath the kids while the other cooks dinner.
Hire professional help – e.g. a cleaner (mentioned many times!), someone to mow the lawns or do the ironing.
Cook dinners on the weekend and stock up the freezer – then add rice/pasta/couscous/vegetables on a weeknight. Or, have ready-made meals from the supermarket or deli with extra salad or toasted sandwiches or soup.
Gratefully accept all offers to cook meals, hang out the washing etc.

And the most important sentiment, expressed by many of the WISENet discussion group: Remember that while they may seem tough at times, these are golden days!

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Thanks to Cathy Offord, Siew Yeen Chai, Julie Crowley, Jan Thomas, Tripty Hirani, Christine Wells, Rebecca S Mason Deidre Tronson, Diane Webster and Julie Christie for their input.